FAMILY BUZZ
“Social/Emotional Development: Raising Compassionate Kids”
Thoughts from Parent Connect 12/5/2024
From Psychology Today, “Raise Compassionate Children”: The Value of Compassion - Developing compassion starts with the recognition that we are not isolated creatures, but rather individuals who are a part of many groups-communities, races, religions, nationalities, and citizens of planet Earth-that must coexist to survive. Compassion enables us to feel empathy for others and to put others' needs ahead of our own when necessary.
Some thoughts from our discussion:
Social/ Emotional Developmental Milestones:
2-3 year olds are beginning to recognize others’ emotions, show concern for others by trying to comfort or help them.
3-4 year olds can label others’ emotions and show compassion through words or actions.
Children learn by example. Be a compassionate role model and invite your child to be involved: take a meal to someone, donate unused items, help a neighbor clear their sidewalk.
Narrate what you are doing, “My friend is having a hard time, so I’m going to keep her company.” “Your sibling looks upset, let’s see how we can help.”
Help your child learn how to regulate their strong emotions: deep breathing, taking a break, etc.
Make caring for the world, others and justice a focus. Help your child to notice what’s fair and what’s unfair. How can we help to make things more fair?
Surround yourself with a caring, compassionate community - friends, neighbors, faith community.
Resources:
From Harvard “7 Tips For Raising Caring Kids”
13 Ways to Raise Caring and Compassionate Children
Co-Regulating Emotions
Some thoughts and resources from Rachel Chrastil, licensed family educator and WWP parent, who led our Parent Connect group today.
Simple (but not easy!) steps for co-regulating/supporting self-regulation:
Stay Calm and Present: Model calm behavior by staying composed, using a soothing voice, and maintaining a gentle presence to help your toddler feel secure.
Validate Feelings with Simple Language: Acknowledge their emotions (e.g., "I see you're upset") to help them feel understood, and guide them in expressing their feelings.
Observe and Decide How to Respond: Are they calming down, or do they need more support? Based on that, decide how to move forward—whether it’s a calming reminder, offering comfort with a gentle touch, or redirecting their attention.
Co-regulation is not just about helping the child, but also about the parent being mindful of their own emotional state.
Resources:
https://www.zerotothree.org/resource/developing-self-control-from-24-36-months/
https://heartmindonline.org/resources/12-self-regulation-strategies-for-young-children
https://childmind.org/article/what-is-co-regulation/
Scroll down to our article from April 2024 for more ideas.
Parenting Styles
Parent Connect Takeaways
Wanda Felder, licensed parent educator with the Minneapolis Public Schools joined us for a discussion about parenting styles. Experts have found that there are four basic parenting styles: authoritative, authoritarian, permissive and uninvolved.
Here are some excellent articles that explain the various parenting styles and how they affect children’s development.
"Parenting Styles Explained" from the Cleveland Clinic
"What Parenting Style is Right For You?" from the Mayo Clinic
We talked about various things that affect how we parent our children, such as:
how we were raised - doing some things the same, leaving other ways behind
time constraints
things we’ve learned from books, friends, social media, etc
our beliefs, values
stress level
energy level
child’s temperament
our personality
state of our mental health
co-parenting
Parenting is a journey. We are learning as we go. It’s helpful to take the time to reflect on one’s parenting, pat oneself on the back, have grace with oneself and see how one may want to do things next. We’re in this parenting journey together.
Schedules & Routines: Predictability Brings Peace
Highlights from Parent Connect
Children thrive on structure and predictability. Consistent routines for getting ready for the day, meals, winding down and going to bed provide comfort and a sense of safety for young children. When children know what to expect and what is expected of them, it often leads to better behavior and cooperation. Here are some snippets from our conversation at Parent Connect.
Visuals are a great way to communicate schedules and routines to little ones.
One parent shared about using a visual calendar to help their child know what was happening that week and feel less anxious. For example, Monday has a picture of school, Tuesday picture of home, Wednesday school, Thursday swim lessons, Friday school. Saturday park, Sunday Grandma’s house. You can also use the classroom calendar with your child to show them what to expect at school that day.
At WWP we also use visual schedules so the children know what the routine is for that part of the day. At home you could have one that shows what needs to be done to start the day (wake up, make bed, eat, brush teeth, wash face/hands, get dressed, etc).
Visual schedule of snack routine
Another parent shared that they just got a visual timer to show their child how much time they have until a transition, like until clean up time or time to leave the house. One family uses a clock/night light in their child’s room that turns green when it’s morning and they are able to get out of bed, rather than wanting to get up at 4:00 AM.
Visual timers can be found at Lakeshore Learning Store or Amazon
A parent asked for ideas about when and how other families use allowance with their children and if it’s connected with chores. Some thoughts:
Everyone in the family, even young children, pitch in with chores because it’s part of our responsibility as a family and we want our children to learn that everyone can help.
Young children can help with chores like, picking up toys, carrying their dishes to the counter, and matching socks. For more ideas see “Big Helpers - Big Jobs” WWP Family Buzz 10/23/23.
Allowance is a set amount of money and is split into three categories: save, share and spend.
For older kids - if they want to do a big chore, above and beyond their regular chores, they’ll get paid for that.
For more ideas about family routines check out:
https://www.pbs.org/parents/routines Several great articles on this link, including “10 Ideas for Calm Morning Routine”
https://www.zerotothree.org/resource/creating-routines-for-love-and-learning/
Screen Time
Wanda Felder, parent educator with the Minneapolis Public Schools, joined us for Parent Connect. She led us in a discussion about screen time. Here’s the information that she provided:
We live in the digital age. Our children do not know a time when we did not have cell phones and tablets. Technology changes faster than research can keep up. It is not inherently good or bad – it is simply powerful.
What does media use like in your home:
What type of media/technology do your children use?
What is your media/technology use like in a day?
What are the challenges of raising a child in a tech-filled world?
What the experts say: From The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) :
For children younger than 18 months, no screen time is recommended except for video chatting with family.
Use the 5 C’s of media use
1. CHILD
Because children are all different, the risks and benefits of media are different. What parents should consider:
What is your child’s personality? How does this influence what media attracts them and how it affects them?
Are they seeking out crazy content or is the media supporting artistic or musical talent?
Is the media feeding their social anxiety or do they have a supportive friend group online?
2. CONTENT
Content can influence a child’s positive or negative experience with media. Pay attention to what they are viewing. Watch for violence, rudeness and commercialism as these can affect their emotional state.
3. CALM
All kids need to learn strategies to manage strong emotions and to help them get to sleep at night. If media is being used for either of these, think about different strategies that can be used instead.
4. CROWDING OUT
It's possible screen time is crowding out other things your family cares about. Instead of just thinking about limiting screen time, think about what you want to increase, such as sleep, outdoor activities, creative endeavors, free play, etc.
5. COMMUNICATION
Talk about media use early and often. This is how children learn digital literacy. Recognize that this can be a stressful topic (especially with older children) so take a deep breath, be open-minded and ask questions.
Phones: Should we or shouldn’t we?
According to the AAP, children should be at least 13 before getting their own cell phones. A phone that doesn’t connect to the internet/social media may be a better first step.
Things to consider:
Preserving Childhood
Problem Solving
Social Awareness
Knowledge of Technology
Maturity
Family Need
Is your child with you or another trusted adult all the time?
Does your home have a landline?
Make a plan:
Discuss them with your kids. Here are a few example rules to consider:
Set screen-free zones (such as the bedroom, the dinner table) to strengthen family face-to-face connections.
Set screen-free times (such as during homework or before bed) so the media does not interfere with learning and sleep.
Have a "one screen at a time" rule and turn off devices not in use to minimize distractions.
Resources:
Media & Children from the Academy of Pediatrics which includes a resource to create a “Family Media Use Plan”